Thursday, 19 July 2012

Retirement day feelings: my loss is that work is no longer my place in the world


The retirement day.

I could feel myself being a bit weepy walking away from work for the last time. Not actually tearful but certainly filled up. I couldn’t quite see why.

Thinking about it, I’d not had any emotional farewells on the day; just handed in my keys and laptop, deleted everything from my computer – I’ve been progressing through that for weeks - went through some routines, put some office stuff in my bag and set off early for the station.

It wasn’t about loss of the job. I’m not massively committed to St Christopher’s, it’s been a good billet, nice people, interesting work, but I don’t totally believe in palliative care and the hospice movement. Probably that’s evident from my St Christopher’s blog over the years, and certainly will be in my new end-of-life care blog. I’ve wound down in a classic way over ten years, so I’ve been progressing towards retirement for ages, I’ve got used to it, I don’t have worrying health, care or financial problems, I’ve got family support and family things to do, I have continuing work and personal interest things to do.

So why the tugged heartstrings? For one thing, although in many ways I have the security of no major change in other parts of my life, I feel uncertain, perhaps insecure. It's because I don’t quite know how it’s going to be. I’ve been busy with work, and often too much of it, for forty or more years. What is my place in the world going to be now? And does it matter? I don’t know yet.


1 comment:

  1. Hi,

    I have recently been reading your blog and I was wondering if you could expand upon your point that you do not believe in palliative care and the hospice movement?

    Thank you,

    Byran Driver

    ReplyDelete